Toys 'R' Us
by Beautiful Sinnocence
Summary: Whatever shall Buffy and Faith do after being trapped inside a local Toys 'R' Us by a pair of mischievous wizards under Willow's watch?
1. Chapter 1

**Title:** Toys ''R' Us: Chapter One.

**Rating:** NC-17

**Summary:** Whatever shall Buffy and Faith do after being trapped inside a local Toys 'R' Us by a pair of mischievous wizards under Willow's watch?

**Disclaimer:** I do not own anything here, save for the storyline. All characters and the like are trademark properties of Joss Whedon, Fox, Mutant Enemy and it's affiliates. Barbie and Skipper are copyrighted to Matel. Toys 'R' Us is copyrighted to their fucking bizarre giraffe and whoever else. Please don't sue. I'm just a poor girl. Really, I am.

**A/N:** Figured it was time to write something without angst. This is strictly for fun. Hope you enjoy and oh, thoughts are in italic.

**Please read and review. :)**

- - -

"You little shits! Wait until I get the fuck outta here!" Faith was pounding on the thick glass door that was sealed with a force even Slayer's couldn't break passed. Two little faces speckled with freckles smugly smiled at the girls and with a wave, they each dodged off in opposite directions without the another. "GET BACK HERE YOU HARRY POTTER FREAKS!" No, Faith never read the books. The movies were a different story...okay, not entirely, but yeah, you know what I mean. 

"It's no use, Faith. We already saw what they're capable of. We'll just have to wait until Willow or someone with enough common sense to realize we're missing shows up." Buffy's voice echoed in the closed toy store.

"B," The brunette started reasonably, "We're in a fucking toy store! I don't think this'll be the first place Red or even One Eyed Zeppo will think about lookin' for us." Huffing, Faith sank into a nearby bean bag and listened to the silence that filled the void around them.

After a few minutes, Buffy smiled and fell into a bag next to Faith. "Kinda nice though. Right?" Mushing her body into the bean filled chair, the blonde lazily closed her eyes.

"What, being tricked by a pair of squirts barely outta diapers?" Canting her head to the side, Faith eyed her possibly insane Slayer sister critically.

"No. The peace and quiet. Kind of ironic that we had to be trapped inside a toy store to get that, huh?" Buffy was easily amused. Something Faith noted.

"Cheah, real funny. I'm stuck in here with you of all people while Ron and Harry are runnin' around without adult supervision and Lost is on!" Groaning Faith pushed herself up and wandered around the area of aisle one.

"You watch Lost?" Cracking an eye open, emerald hue followed the pacing pattern Faith was making.

"Yeah, I do actually. It's a wicked series. Plus, kinda diggin' the Kate chick." The brunette replied while pulling a box off one of the shelves.

"Guess you can relate to the character, hmm?" _What the hell is she doing?_ "Are you planning on stealing a Barbie doll, Faith? Isn't that a little low?" Once again Buffy held an air of pride about her as if she was better than Faith and by no means was it done on purpose at the moment.

"Fuck you, B. I'm jus' looking at it. Never got one as a kid." Sympathy filled Buffy's eyes at Faith's confession. Only to be replaced by curiousity when her counterpart sank back besides her with two boxes and like a child on Christmas morning, pried the cardboard open with ferocity.

"What the hell are you doing then?" Leaning over Faith's shoulder, Buffy stared intently.

"G'na see what all the fuss was about." _Did they seriously always have all these fuckin' wires bonding Barbie dolls to the box? Kinda kinky._ Faith thought with her tongue pressed between her lips, a look of determination crossing her features as eyebrows knitted together.

"I cannot believe I'm an accessory to a crime. A crime that involves Barbie dolls." This was not how Buffy pictured her night to go as.

With an air of triumph, Faith had both dolls free of their restraints and held high in the air. Each one dancing around in their cheap clothing of flimsy cotton. "Fuck, man. Now I see why some girls end up with eating disorders when they hit puberty. These aren't role models. If anythin', they're fucking false idols. If Barbie was a real chick, I'd tell her to eat a meal or five." Settling Barbie across her lap, Faith pried the clothing off of Skipper and examined the crinkle haired doll in childlike fascination. "Is this Barbie's girlfriend?" Was an honest question.

"No. That's her sister." Reaching for Barbie, Buffy's hand was stung with a fierce slap. "Ow, why'd'cha do that for?" Pouting sensually, Buffy rubbed her hand as if in pain. All the while Faith shrugged.

"Because you're likely going to not give me the doll back if I ask for it." Faith replied.

"Are you serious? You don't wanna share?" Huffing, Buffy stood with small arms folding over her chest. 

Possessively Faith clung to the dolls, "Get your own, B. These are mine." Next came off Barbie's clothing. Two plastic dolls were being looked over in disgust. "Even Skipper is too skinny and what kinda name is Skipper anyhow?" Faith never got an answer. Buffy was busy finding her own toys to play with.

_I cannot believe Faith wouldn't share with me! Guh, she is such a brat._ Noticing the toy she wanted being up three shelves too high, the blonde scaled the shelving unit with ease. Clinging onto the edge of shelf three, Buffy swung a leg around, trying to level herself out as she hung mid-air. With her pinky inching forward, it wrapped arounf the corner edge of the box until it rattled and off the shelf it fell. Crashing to the ground.

Jumping in follow, Buffy landed on her feet gracefully and scooped the box up, heading back to Faith. 

When the blonde made her way back, secretly hiding her toy from view, Faith inched closer. "Whatcha got there?" When Buffy didn't budge to show, Faith got pissed, "C'mon! Lemme fuckin' see, B."

"No." Golden curls shook wildly and her back turned to the brunette. Sure, this was rather childish, but Faith started it!

"Whatever. I don't wanna see anyway. You likely picked something really stupid." Provoked Faith.

"Is not!" When Buffy's box was torn open, she craddled the life size babydoll in her arms and showed Faith. "I always wanted a Water Baby." She said shyly.

"A whata-who?" That fucking thing was ugly as all hell, but Faith kept her comments to herself.

"A Water Baby. You fill it with water and it feels like a real infant. Just at the moment it's lacking the water." Buffy adjusted the tiny violet cap over the pinkish toned scalp.

"Looks like it's lacking a lot of things." Back to her dolls Faith's attention went.

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" Buffy demanded with a glare, holding the babydoll protectively.

"It looks like it's missing a chromosome or hundred." Snickered the youngest of the girls set on making Skipper and Barbie make-out moments before the damned Water Baby was bounced off her head in annoyance.

-TBC.


	2. Chapter 2

**Title:** Toys ''R' Us: Chapter Two.

**Rating:** NC-17

**Summary:** Whatever shall Buffy and Faith do after being trapped inside a local Toys 'R' Us by a pair of mischievous wizards under Willow's watch?

**Disclaimer:** I do not own anything here, save for the storyline. All characters and the like are trademark properties of Joss Whedon, Fox, Mutant Enemy and it's affiliates. Barbie and Skipper are copyrighted to Matel. Toys 'R' Us is copyrighted to their fucking bizarre giraffe and whoever else. Please don't sue. I'm just a poor girl. Really, I am.

**A/N:** Figured it was time to write something without angst. This is strictly for fun. Hope you enjoy and oh, thoughts are in italic.

**Thank you for the reviews, Keep on reviewing please. :)**

- - -

"Faith Meghan Lehane, you take that back right now!" The small blonde now towered over Faith, glowering down at her. Only Faith didn't cave and actually apologize or take it back. All she did was snort and part Barbie's legs as far as they would go.

"I said; Take. It. BACK!" Gathering the front of Faith's wife beater up into balls, Buffy brought the other to her feet and then threw her back down into the seat.

"You wanna fight me here? Get real, Twinkie. I'm not about to best you inside some toy store." Holding in her temper, Faith decided to see the lighter side of this entire arguement. A rare trait in the brunette, "Afterall, what would it do for your rep if demons found out that you got ya ass handed to you in a toy store by moi?" Musing, long dark lashes winked up at the older Slayer who didn't find this situation amusing in the least bit.

"You know what?" Buffy started, only to have Faith interject.

"That you're pretty much insane?" For that snicker, Faith was popped upside her head. The light punch catching her off guard and knocking her backwards in a flip over the chair. Her dolls lost in the roll. "The fuck, B? You really are cruisin' for a bruisin' tonight, ain't'cha?" Getting to her feet, hand rubbing her owwie, Faith now towered over the other girl. Her eyes dangerously turning to black ice, "You hit like a girl!" She laughed right in the petite Slayer's face. Watching as anger flared in those beautiful green orbs.

"Temper, temper, B. What's everyone g'na say when they find us here and you with your panties in a bunch?" Stepping even closer to Buffy, Faith pinched at the narrow waistband of Buffy's jeans and peered down, "If you're even wearing any?"

Wriggling her brows, Faith was met with a slap to her left cheek.

"You...grr...ugh...just...UGH!" Buffy was so iritated that words didn't even form in her brain. Let alone spew from her mouth coherently.

"You're it." For some reason, Faith felt like a kid for the first time. A playful air about her as she tapped Buffy's forehead lightly and dashed off, snatching up her dolls in a hurry, and of course, Buffy's 'special' babydoll. "If you ever wanna see Ugly again, better catch me!" With a squeal of glee, Faith disappeared around the corner of one of the aisles.

Poor, poor Buffy was left staring at empty air, her head canted to the side as a clueless expression fell over her features. "Duh?" Was all she asked.

-TBC. Short chapter, I know, but more fun will come:D


	3. Chapter 3

**Title:** Toys ''R' Us: Chapter Three.

**Rating:** NC-17

**Summary:** Whatever shall Buffy and Faith do after being trapped inside a local Toys 'R' Us by a pair of mischievous wizards under Willow's watch?

**Disclaimer:** I do not own anything here, save for the storyline. All characters and the like are trademark properties of Joss Whedon, Fox, Mutant Enemy and it's affiliates. Barbie and Skipper are copyrighted to Matel. Toys 'R' Us is copyrighted to their fucking bizarre giraffe and whoever else. Please don't sue. I'm just a poor girl. Really, I am.

**Thank you for the reviews everyone! Keep on reviewing please. :)**

- - -

Where to go? S'not like they had the streets as their playground like normally. Though as Faith's legs kicked up and she turned from one corner to the next, the rush of being in the open world came rushing through her veins. The positive adrenaline was keeping her active. Her brain just clicked with the happy sensation making her behave in such a way she'd have otherwise turned her nose up at.

"C'mon... you hafta be right behind me, B. Just..." Skidding to a hault, Faith eyed the deserted aisle sadly. Buffy wasn't chasing her? Well, that sucked.

Ah ha! If Buffy wasn't going to chase her, then, "I'll chase B!" She concluded and was off to find a way of getting to the blonde that the other would have no choice but the run!

Ten minutes later and a stereotypical blonde stood there as clueless as ever. For Buffy, she was just being uptight. There was noway in the Hellmouth that she'd give pursuit after the once rogue Slayer. "Been there, done that. No need to relive it." As long as you didn't hear a voice responding back to you, then you were clear to talk to yourself. The silence grayed into a low ringing sound. Gradually increasing in volume.

"Hmm..." Wondering where that incisive noise was stemming from, Buffy whirled around in a perfect one hundred and eighty degree turn to lay eyes on, "Faith?" Who was well on her way speeding down the main aisle of the store. "Are you in a police car?"

And sure enough, she was!

The red and blue sirens flashed around and around in their little plastic holders ontop of the front windshield. The five foot five Slayer was crammed into the two seater car rather tightly, her body looked more comical than ferocious. Especially when set on her head was a police hat and a cheap metal badge made of yellow crap, was pinned over her right breast. 

"Either I'm hallucinating, or Faith has seriously gone off the deep end." Something told her that it might just be both.

"It's none of the above. Better run B!" Faith was heading straight for the older Slayer. One hand gripped the wheel as the other held the babydoll over the side of the driver's side door, cutting it's feet close to the ground. "Gonna come save Ugly, or g'na let her suffer?" Oh, she couldn't wait until Buffy decided what to do. Keeping to one side of the small car left room for something hidden in the passenger side.

"I am not running, Faith. This is ridiculous! Stop playing with the toys. I guarantee you that they have cameras all around here and with the luck you and I both have together...well, lets just say, we are bound to be riding in one of those for real." Pointing to the car, Buffy sighed in exasperation. Too bad she hadn't saved it. As Faith pulled up along Buffy, full lower lip sticking out in a pout, brown hues pleaded for Buffy to just play along.

"I'm bored. C'mon, B! S'not like it's g'na kill you. It's you and me here. If you don't chase me, I might do something destructive." Unable to hide the devious grin anylonger, Faith pulled out her last ditch attempt. The super soaker was filled with soda. And with one long held spray, the blonde was being drenched. "Ya left me no choice..." Tossing the watergun off to the side, Faith weaseled a hand into the tight fitted space of her back pocket to snatch out the pop rocks. Gnawing at the tip, Faith ignored Buffy's ranting screams at her actions and when the top ripped open, the candy was tossed at the standing Slayer and at once, Faith hit the gas. The hard tires peeling away at a max speed of two miles an hour.

By the time Faith was five feet away, Buffy's clothing started to exlode with crackles and sizzles here and there. The soda drenched cotton shirt finally reacting to the popping candy littering her clothing.

Now Buffy did chase Faith. Only chase wasn't the word.

No. Buffy was hunting.

-TBC.


	4. Chapter 4

**Title:** Toys ''R' Us: Chapter Four.

**Rating:** NC-17

**Summary:** Whatever shall Buffy and Faith do after being trapped inside a local Toys 'R' Us by a pair of mischievous wizards under Willow's watch?

**Disclaimer:** I do not own anything here, save for the storyline. All characters and the like are trademark properties of Joss Whedon, Fox, Mutant Enemy and it's affiliates. Barbie and Skipper are copyrighted to Matel. Toys 'R' Us is copyrighted to their fucking bizarre giraffe and whoever else. Please don't sue. I'm just a poor girl. Really, I am.

**A/N:** Thank you for the reviews everyone! I'm seriously enjoying writing this, lol. Who knows, maybe Faith and Buffy will stumble upon a gateway of a new kind of 'toy' store? ;) Please keep on reviewing. :)

- - -

She wasn't going back on her word. Uh uh. Not at all. Buffy wasn't running after Faith. She was stalking her at a steady but slow pace. Each stride like that of a panther. Her eyes narrowed into darkened slits, head bowed just slightly. Her prey was right in sight. Not more than ten feet away. It'd be far too easy to run after the brunette, who was frantically pressing on, then off and then on the gas pedal in order to make it go faster.

"Fucking piece of shit car. GO! Go faster!" Faith was shouting at the three to ten year old of age range toy. Her Slayer grip as strong as ever when what meant to be her method of getting the car to turn around aisle five easier, the steering wheel was yanked off and the car kept rotating in a three hundred and sixty degree circle over and over.

Buffy let a glint of amusement shine in her eyes, but she had other plans for Faith. Afterall, this was one of her favorite shirts and the imp before her just had to go and ruin it. Hmph!

The eerie sounds of pop rocks snapping and soda dripping to the floor sounded like beads of blood dripping and the Halloween theme playing. Letting you know that you had nowhere to run. All of it made for Faith's heart to leap into her throat. Her blood pounded in her ears, her head felt light. This was actually kind of wicked! So long as Buffy didn't peel a butcher knife from behind her back and methodically stab the leather clad Slayer to death.

"Can't run Faith. I'll find you. But don't let that stop you from going ahead and trying. Makes it much more sweeter." Badgered Buffy while keeping her pace effectively menacing.

This was a side of the other that Faith hadn't really seen. It was playful and down and out sexy. The carnal gleam in emerald hues set the fire in Faith burning to new heights. "I...I ain't runnin' from you, B. I'm..." Okay, so she was -trying-. Her hands snagged her two Barbie's and she jetted out of the boxed car as fast as her long legs could work themselves. Right now, the thrill of the chase, being on this end of the rope, was enticing for Faith. Buffy would infact catch her. Just not yet. Oh, no. There was too much fun to be had while following.

As Faith worked her pace faster, Buffy mimicked her. A distance of only five feet continuously being kept between both girls.

Heading down the boys section of the huge store, Faith found herself in the midst of army toys. Peeling a camouflaged color dart gun from a hook and rack, then it's confines, Faith leveled her hand to Buffy's face and pulled the trigger. The dart which was none other than a wobbly stick and an orange suction cup at it's end, landed right smack in the center of Buffy's forehead. Still the blonde walked.

"Damnit! Should'a figured hitting a blonde in the head would result in no reaction, fuck me gently with a chainsaw!" Turning back around, Faith scurried towards the sports section, Buffy now a good ten feet or more behind her. Suction cup still hanging there proudly between perfectly sculpted brows. Reaching it, the devious brunette knew exactly what she was looking for. Pulling the giant bag to the end of the bottom shelf, Faith waited until Buffy was oblivious to her motives, and just paying attention to her person in general.

"Just give up, Faithy. I've got more energy than even you." Buffy fixated her gaze straight ahead at her Slayer sister's eyes, wanting to see her reaction.

Too bad all she saw was mischieve.

Just before she was met with a colorful display of balls rolling towards her. Unable to tap into her Slayer grace at the moment, Buffy was left tripping over individual balls and landing flat on her ass after a good minute of fighting.

"Owned, bitch!" Came the triumph declaration from Faith.

-TBC.


	5. Chapter 5

**Title:** Toys ''R' Us: Chapter Five.

**Rating:** NC-17

**Summary:** Whatever shall Buffy and Faith do after being trapped inside a local Toys 'R' Us by a pair of mischievous wizards under Willow's watch?

**Disclaimer:** I do not own anything here, save for the storyline. All characters and the like are trademark properties of Joss Whedon, Fox, Mutant Enemy and it's affiliates. Barbie and Skipper are copyrighted to Matel. Toys 'R' Us is copyrighted to their fucking bizarre giraffe and whoever else. Please don't sue. I'm just a poor girl. Really, I am.

**A/N:** If you have any idea where else this could be archived, let me know? I don't really know of many other places.

**Thank you for the reviews. I looooove feedback. So, please, keep reviewing. :)**

- - -

"Owned, bitch!" Faith boasted loud and clear. Her eyes twinkling with mirth. The tiny blonde was seated on her ass, hands folded between her legs with her head bowed slightly to allow sun spun hair to act as a veil.

Doe eyes carefully inspected her fallen companion in this big mess. Was Buffy hurt? Well, was her ego trip bruised? Sticking one of Skipper's legs in her left back pocket, one of Barbie's legs was settled in the right. Allowing Faith the chance to have her hands free this time.

"B?" She tested carefully. Buffy was known to pounce her enemy in the blink of an eye. Not that Faith would mind being pinned under the bombshell. Be just a little weird if she was to be in a toy store and things ended up leading to other things. Heh.

Another sniffle and Buffy wiped under her nose with her soda drenched sleeve from wrist to forearm. _Oh, fuck man! Eww. I wonder what's more gross? B wiping her snots on her shirt, or wearing soda and snot on her sleeve?_ Idly Faith reasoned and came to the conclusion that, _Her pinning me and holding me with snots on her is far grosser._

In that time, Buffy had managed to get up and dash head first into Faith. Both girls falling and rolling over one another. The balls spilling everywhere once again. With a shrill shriek of laughter, and then a shout of disgust, both girls were acting unlike Slayer's of their rank.

"Eww, get off B! You got buggers all over your shirt, nasty!" Trying to push down her laughter that rooted from her belly, Faith wriggled under Buffy, who was able to straddle the more curvaceous Slayer's hips.

"Ah ha! I finally found your weakness, Faith Meghan Lehane!" Buffy's turn to brag. 

"Cut -that- out, will ya? Someone might hear you say my full name and use it to their advantage." Faith looked perturbed up at the blonde who just beamed down in return.

"Aww, does Faithy not like her name? Poor baby, get over it."

"Stuff it Elizabeth Ann Summers!" Now their expressions were reversed. Faith looked smug and Buffy looked pissed.

"Bitch!" Buffy snapped.

"Brat!" Faith retorted.

"Skank!"

"Imbecile!"

"Jerk!"

"Tard!"

Buffy had enough and knew something else that would wig Faith the fuck out. 

Up her nose a finger wormed, getting in as deep as she could and as Faith finished her 'tard' statement, Buffy shoved the green buggered finger inside Faith's mouth and scraped it along a pierced tongue.

"Owned, bitch!" Buffy laughed.

-TBC


	6. Chapter 6

**Title:** Toys ''R' Us: Chapter Six.

**Rating:** NC-17

**Summary:** Whatever shall Buffy and Faith do after being trapped inside a local Toys 'R' Us by a pair of mischievous wizards under Willow's watch?

**Disclaimer:** I do not own anything here, save for the storyline. All characters and the like are trademark properties of Joss Whedon, Fox, Mutant Enemy and it's affiliates. Barbie and Skipper are copyrighted to Matel. Toys 'R' Us is copyrighted to their fucking bizarre giraffe and whoever else. Please don't sue. Anything else mentioned, be them persons or objects, are copyrighted to their owners just the same and blah, blah, blah. No money is made from this, so don't sue. I'm just a poor girl. Really, I am.

**A/N:** If you have any idea where else this could be archived, let me know? I don't really know of many other places.

**Thank you everyone for the reviews. I looooove feedback as much as you love this story. So, please, keep reviewing and I'll keep writing. :)**

- - -

Something sticky ran along the smooth surface of Faith's tongue. The top ball of the piercing caught the substance just as the tiny digit worked it's way out of her mouth. Blinking, Faith tried to distinguish just what the hell Buffy did since she'd been too busy thinking of names to call the thorn in her side.

"Owned, bitch!" Buffy chirped in the horrified brunette's face as she registered just what that gooey texture was. 

"EWW! You're fucking SICK!" Spat Faith, who was instantly spitting and wiping her tongue on the sleeve of Buffy's dirty shirt in fret. Her face was red with anger and humilation. Out of all the things Buffy had ever done to her, this was by far the worse! Fuck the gutting. Fuck the being self-righteous act. This was just wrong on way too many levels!

"That's what you get, Leather." Came the grinning blonde's reply as she pushed up and off her fallen sister Slayer. Her feet resting on either side of Faith's chest, "Hope that teaches you a lesson that you so can't best me. Booyah!" Probing Faith's ribs with the tip of her shoe, the smaller framed Slayer watched as the other wirthered in disgust, spitting out nothing but saliva and choking up as if to puke. "You better not..."

Too late.

Before Buffy could tap again into Slayer speed, Faith was on her side, arms clutched in wrap around her stomach, mouth flying open with yellowish vomit spilling freely over, "My new Pradas!" The blonde wailed unmoving from her stance under the chunky liquid. It was horrid! She had finally been able to buy actual shoes with a designer name on them. And not those ones from Pay-Less-For-More-Shit. The money Giles fell into when the Council poofed into thin air, left enough to cover the expenses of a lot of things; not to mention the cost of a certain blonde's vast shopping sprees.

Faith was dimly aware that Buffy was having a spaz attack as she coughed up the remainder of her disdain. "Ugh, B, shuddit." Groaning, Faith rolled back onto her back and away from the strongly scented grossness that Buffy had brought out. "Be kinda petty of me to say, 'owned, bitch', huh?" Closing her eyes, Faith wiped over her mouth and choked on a laugh as the older Slayer stepped over her and went about kicking off the gook.

"Okay, ow." The brunette complained, "Hurts when I laugh." Forcing her body to sit upright, Faith glanced sideways to see Buffy hopping up and down on one leg, as the other leg swung front and backwards, trying to throw puke off stained shoed. Much to Buffy's dismay, it was her shoe that went flying into a pile of stuffed animals across the floor.

"Nice one, B. Sure you didn't miss your calling as a football player?" The blonde turned her head and growled lowly in reponse, "Someone has vampire attributes." Snarkly Faith stood and dusted herself off, eyes searching around the store for a bathroom. That chilly dog from earlier with cheese fries didn't taste right after being digested and thrown back up.

"This is ALL your fault, you know!" Buffy barked as she rummaged through the pile of teddy bears, stuffed pigs, dogs and the like.

"Mind telling me how this is MY fault, when you wiped your...oh fuck, I'ma puke thinking about it..." It took a shitload of willpower for Faith to swallow the urge to again upheave.

"You decided to chase those little kids instead of getting Willow. It was you who said you saw them come in here. You who said we could handle them. You who got us locked in here! Faith, are you seeing the pattern that is YOU!" Unadulterated rage filled Buffy's once emerald eyes that were unseen to her 'enemy'.

"Me?" Innocently Faith pointed to herself in question, "I didn't do shit! You were the one that agreed that we could handle a pair of brats! You think you're some Mother Teresa, well guess what B? Ya ain't. You're..." Blinking rapidly, Faith stepped closer to the pile of toys that Buffy had disappeared into and was struggling to come out of. "...fucking stuck!" She finished laughing.

The sound of Buffy desperately struggling against the 'demonic' animals filtered around the still standing Slayer.

-TBC.


	7. Chapter 7

B Title: /b Toys ''R' Us: Chapter Seven.

**Rating:** NC-17

**Summary:** Whatever shall Buffy and Faith do after being trapped inside a local Toys 'R' Us by a pair of mischievous wizards under Willow's watch?

**Disclaimer:** I do not own anything here, save for the storyline. All characters and the like are trademark properties of Joss Whedon, Fox, Mutant Enemy and it's affiliates. Barbie and Skipper are copyrighted to Matel. Toys 'R' Us is copyrighted to their fucking bizarre giraffe and whoever else. Please don't sue. Anything else mentioned, be them persons or objects, are copyrighted to their owners just the same and blah, blah, blah. No money is made from this, so don't sue. I'm just a poor girl. Really, I am.

**A/N:** I know that the last chapter was all with the ick, but this one isn't, I promise. It's sort of a filler chapter. I hope you all enjoy all in all, though.

**Thank you everyone for the reviews. I looooove feedback as much as you love this story. So, please, keep reviewing and I'll keep writing. :)**

- - -

"Mmph. Hmph! Gurr. Ouf! Aith! Elp!" There were various sounds, other then the roaring laughter of one hysterical brunette who was relishing in the blonde's dilemma. 

"You're..." The sound of a deep breath being inhaled, "...fucking..." contagious laughter being not so infectious, "...stuck..." a long drawn out exhale, "...in-a-pile-of-goddamn-stuffed-animals-and-you're-a-Slayer!" Faith broke out into peels of laughter. All of which lasted ten seconds. Up until she was popped upside the head, again! This time with a liger. Not that she knew what one was.

'Cos well, she didn't.

The five foot five leather wearing sex on legs Slayer was knocked flat on her ass. The liger landing in her lap and staring up at her with crossed eyes. "Da fuck is this ugly thing?" Faith growled menacingly, looking up to see Buffy's little head peeking out of the pile, stuck between a flamboyant unicorn and a deranged bear.

"Iono, but come help me! I think my ankle is stuck in something." Buffy wriggled helplessly much to the other girl's delight. Short arms moved in swimming frantically against the still standing current of stuffed animals. The little blonde sinking further and further into toy hell.

"Whattya say, B?" Stalking over with the liger swinging in her hold in wield as if the ugly toy was a weapon, she leered down into her desperate partner's eyes.

"Get me the heck..." Oh, crapola! Buffy saw the mischievous glint in those doe eyes, and forced herself to be reduced into a more of a damsel by saying, "Please, Faith, help me get out of here, won't you?" Wanting more empathy from the other girl, Buffy innocently batted long wings of golden lashes and voila! Low and behold, it worked. Faith was quickly reaching out to grasp her fellow Slayer's hand and reel her on out of the pile of evil toys. "Harder, Faith!" Buffy encouraged, only to get a lecherous smile from the other.

"If I knew you liked it hard, I would'a..." The brunette was cut-off all too soon by the irritable blonde.

"Stuff it, Faith Meg..." Buffy's mouth was left hanging open when Faith aburptly let her hand go.

"Say it and I leave you to your own pathetic fate of forever living in the never ending mosh pit of toys." That got the littler Slayer to comply.

"I'm sorry, okay? I really am stuck, though. Just get me outta here," Grumbling, Buffy added, "Please." And was being pulled at once more. Faith tugged and tugged, and even tugged somemore. But whatever did have hold of Buffy, wasn't letting up without a doubt . 

"Are you fuckin' with me, B? 'Cos seriously, I'm tryin' really goddamn hard to get you outta..." The look of determination written across Faith's features was displaying all the truth in her words. She honestly and desperately was trying to manage Buffy free to no avail. That was until she also, had been sucked in by the samething that captured Buffy.

Whatever it was, locked it's free clutches around Faith's ankle and pulled the heavier girl deeper into the pile as Buffy was left again struggling to free herself. "Faith, this isn't funny. Don't mock me! I will not be mocked in a pile of toys. You can't degrade me like..." Noticing she wasn't listening, or even ontop of the surface, Buffy started tossing toys off the pile, which she so should've done earlier, to get to the brunette, "Ugh! You're frigging insufferable. I'll have you know that when I do get out of here, I'll kick your ass to remind you not to..." Whoosh! Buffy was the next to entirely disappear into the mound of cutesy wootsey toys.

The toy store was quiet since the Slayers had arrived.

-TBC


	8. Chapter 8

B Title: /b Toys ''R' Us: Chapter Eight.

B **Rating:** /B NC-17

B **Summary:** /B Whatever shall Buffy and Faith do after being trapped inside a local Toys 'R' Us by a pair of mischievous wizards under Willow's watch?

B **Disclaimer:** /B I do not own anything here, save for the storyline. All characters and the like are trademark properties of Joss Whedon, Fox, Mutant Enemy and it's affiliates. Barbie and Skipper are copyrighted to Matel. Toys 'R' Us is copyrighted to their fucking bizarre giraffe and whoever else. Please don't sue. Anything else mentioned, be them persons or objects, are copyrighted to their owners just the same and blah, blah, blah. No money is made from this, so don't sue. I'm just a poor girl. Really, I am.

B **A/N:** /B I know that the last chapter was so far back, but I've been insanely busy with work and all that unfun junk. Now, I am back full blast and ready to update all my fictions. Hope you enjoy this chapter and thank you once again to the reviews I've had on previous chapters. Reading them made me really have the urge to get back into writing. o

- - -

Where were they? Was the first thought that popped into Buffy's mind.

The first thought to pop into Faith's was something along the lines of killing, maiming and other various painful activities to whoever got them into this mess. Even Faith realized the two Hogwarts brats didn't plan all this. At least not alone.

When a pair of brown eyes scanned the area they were now in, she just could not believe this was where they ended up.

"Um, Faith?" Came a nervous squeak of a question from the blonde now standing behind the taller brunette rather than in front like she did often.

"Don't, B. Jus' don't." Faith warned in a low voice. Despite her somewhat hard directions, the younger Slayer did reach behind her to grasp the older Slayer's hand. For what was in front of them was unlike anything either girl had seen in their days, and nights, as Slayers. Still both girls squinted in the bright light shining down on them, and held the others hand firmly. How they were yet to be seen was unknown to each of them.

What looked like cotton stuffed babydolls in pink frilly dresses with curls of blonde, brown and red were shuffling about with puppies on leashes. Puppies who were busy munching on the lollipop like flowers growing from what looked like sugar infested grass. Somewhere to the right of the girls, who both turned their head in unison to look, were teddy bears playing jump rope. Off to the right of the bears, who had the widest of grins on, were bunnies scattering along trying not to be tagged it by the fluffy white sheep sprinting down the hill. Laughter rang clear in the sweet tasting air.

"We gotta be dead." Faith concluded, "Because there's no other way..." The brunette's wrist was pinched hard by the blonde who was pressing her chest closer to the other girl's back.

"Shh." Buffy snapped, "They might hear us." Actual fear rang heavily in her words. Buffy was for once in her life, or maybe this was now unlife, petrified.

As if right on cue... all creatures, including the bouncing sun above them that was also animated, turned to stare intently at both figures new to their world. The silence filled the creepily happy world of Fisher Price insanityville, until a resounding, "Fuck," from Faith spitted out. Followed up by gasps of shock and repulsion from the cuddly wuddlys around them. Only that wasn't the start of their problems. The gasps turned into screams as ears on cute snuggly thingies started to bleed. Hands, paws and whatever else have you, covered their injured parts.

The look of horror fell over Buffy's features with a ghastly pale complexion adding to the mix. Unlike Buffy, Faith was half smirking. Pain and blood she could deal with. Happy, skipping toys from hell? Uh uh!

Clawing her hand up the arm of Faith, Buffy yanked the brunette down some so her lips could press to the other girl's ear, "What the hell did..." No time for the finish of that sentence. Because apparently it seemed that heads were exploding. Heads full of human like organs. Brains, blood and whatever else was in there. Buffy rarely paid attention in Bio and Faith never went. So, one by one heads exploded. Blood splattered every which way, some landing on the front of Faith's shirt, who merely looked down in distaste, then back up as more silence filled the once sickenly happy world.

It took no longer than two minutes for all the bouncy toy like creatures to be either standing upright with no heads, or flat on their backs dead.

Buffy was stunned into being speechless. Whereas Faith, who now ran a finger down the front of her shirt, scooping up a fingerpad of blood, brought it to her nose, sniffed, then let her tongue dart out to taste it.

"Huh." Faith piped up, "Strawberry syrup."

-TBC ( I know! Was a weird chapter. Trust me, I know. Next one will be soon and it'll bring some sort of sanity back into this. :) If there ever was any sanity to start with. o )


	9. Chapter 9

B Title: /b Toys ''R' Us: Chapter Nine.

B Rating: /B NC-17

B Summary: /B Whatever shall Buffy and Faith do after being trapped inside a local Toys 'R' Us by a pair of mischievous wizards under Willow's watch?

B Disclaimer: /B I do not own anything here, save for the storyline. All characters and the like are trademark properties of Joss Whedon, Fox, Mutant Enemy and it's affiliates. Barbie and Skipper are copyrighted to Matel. Toys 'R' Us is copyrighted to their fucking bizarre giraffe and whoever else. Please don't sue. Anything else mentioned, be them persons or objects, are copyrighted to their owners just the same and blah, blah, blah. No money is made from this, so don't sue. I'm just a poor girl. Really, I am.

B A/N: /B I know that the last chapter was so far back, but I've been insanely busy with work and all that unfun junk. Now, I am back full blast and ready to update all my fictions. Hope you enjoy this chapter and thank you once again to the reviews I've had on previous chapters. Reading them made me really have the urge to get back into writing. o

- - -

One girl stared in horror.

The other was trying not to burst into peels of laughter.

The sun that had loomed overhead was now slapped onto the small hill in front of them. Blood seeping from it's eyes and mouth. Puppy dogs on leashes had no heads. Dolls holding the leashes were just bodies. Fluffy teddy bears had their stomachs exploded from the inside out. Sheep and bunnies had missing heads or stomachs much the same to the bears.

"Straw--what?" Buffy finally asked. Her mouth felt dry. Her eyes felt as if they were burning. Was this some bad, BAD dream? If so, it was obvious that Faith was in it. Bad dreams and Faith seemed to mesh well. Not to mention dirty dreams. I Oh, but, no! Bad Buffy. Don't think of those, /i she scolded herself mentally.

"Strawberry syrup." Chimed Faith, who yanked from Buffy with force. Why the hell was the tiny blonde so damn clingy all of a sudden? Wriggling her finger that scooped up more of the blood, Faith offered it over to Buffy, who looked repulsed.

"Oh god, morbid much, Faith?" She spat, and turned her head away to actually give a dry upheave. The mere thought of mentally challenged here tasting the splattered blood was beyond disturbing.

"Da fuck, B? It's syrup. It's not real blood. Besides, this can't be real. Has't'be some illusion spell." The brunette concluded. Likely they were still stuck in Toys 'R' Us and the weasel brats went for gold and casted a demented spell over the oldest Slayers.

Lightly and slowly, as if it might move, Buffy kicked at a nearby severed limb of one of the former cute animals. "I just wanna go home." She sighed, stepping over the limb to get a better look at where they were.

"Looks like Alice in Wonderland meets the Hellmouth on some serious acid trip, huh?" If Buffy wasn't going to make light of their sitch, then by all means, Faith sure as fuck was going to! Following the blonde since there wasn't much room to walk without stepping on, not over, body parts and even Faith wasn't that creepy, the doe eyed beauty did although do something to wig the older girl out. And that was brush a fur covered body part over the back of Buffy's neck.

Without looking behind her, Buffy snapped, "Faith! Quit it, will you? This is serious." After a minute or two of keeping her hands to herself, Faith went about teasing the loose strands of gold in front of of by whooshing them from side to side. Good thing little Miss Muffet couldn't see the syrup staining the tips of those strands or Faith assumed she'd meet the same fate as the pawed limb she held. "STOP!" Louder this time, Buffy growled and whirled to face Faith who was caught red handed, literally, with the limb. "OHMYGAWD!" Dread washed over the blonde's features as all colored paled from her face.

Innocently, or attempting innocence, Faith swung back and forth on the heels of her feet, limb tossed far, far behind her. Making a sickenly sounding crash on something else. "Hmm?" She actually giggled. Faith couldn't help but giggle girlishly. The look on Buffy's face was priceless.

Up and down Buffy jumped around. Swatting hands behind her neck as if remains of the grubby limb lingered on her skin. When hands and fingers brushed the ends of her hair, there the sticky gooey substance Faith proclaimed as strawberry sryup lay. "AHHHHHH!" Shrieking at the top of her lungs, Buffy was comforted by Faith who earnestly tried to wipe the blood from the locks. Only her hands were covered in the goo, and added to the amount already on. "Not helping. You are not helping, Faith!" Panic was something the wigged out blonde was not used to. So when it came now in tidal wave after tidal wave to her sanity, all Buffy could do was lash out in hand slapping to the brunette.

"I'm TRYING to help, but ya keep moving around worse than Drew on soda and pixie stix, damnit, stand still B, before I rip ya hair out unintentionally." Was the warning that did ease the heavily panting blonde some. "Thank you. Now lemme ring the syrup, cos B, that's all it is honest to god, out."

After about twenty minutes, Buffy's hair was dry but dyed half way pink. The strands clinging together from the stickiness the gunk caused.

"All done. Ya okay?" The malicious intent Faith once had towards Buffy vanished as she peeled dead hair from her hands that were more than smeared in the sticky crap. With a nod Buffy remained silent. "Good. I say we try and find the rabbit hole and get the fuck outta this place before either of us finds ourselves spitroasted."

Good old, innocent, naive Buffy, who did more things she had no name to with Spike, asked, "What's spitroasted?" If only she hadn't asked, because Faith told her on the walk towards...well, towards where ever the hell they were headed.

"Oh." Quietly she replied, almost as if she didn't wanna know anything further. Oh, but she did! "So how do YOU know what that is?" If Faith had the chance to be mean earlier, now it was Buffy's turn. Only she never got the luxury of watching Faith squirm. It took more than that to get Faith ruffled.

"Saw it on a porno, B. Why, picturing me in tha' position?" Wriggled brows teased the other as she nudged her with the left sideof her shoulder. Buffy nearly tumbled caught off gaurd from the question directed her way.

"Ew, no. Was just wondering if you happened to you know, do it that way." Was the truth... partially. Plus she suddenly found herself jealous with even just images of Faith pinned by two guys that way.

"Me? C'mon, Twinkie. I'm not submissive in bed. Uh uh. S'the other way around. I get my lovers in that position." You would have to be blind to not notice the bright tinge to Buffy's cheeks. Canting her head backwards to eye Buffy's ass, Faith wondered if other cheeks turned just as red, but by slaps.

Noticing where eyes had drifted to, Buffy glared at the other Slayer, "You were just checking out my ass. God, maybe you should have used that limb for something else than annoying me!" The suggestive tone she took on indicated just what she meant by use.

Finding herself unable to resist, Faith struck out a hand to grasp Buffy's and boldly shoved it between her legs. "Cos I got a pair of perfectly workin' ones right here." Back and forth she rubbed the hand between her thighs. The light tickle and bruish over tight denim was doing nothing but building the knot in Faith's stomach more. Add that with the way Buffy froze, unable to move her hand away and well, Faith was enjoying herself more than she thought.

-TBC (Sex in the playground to come? Hmm, we shall see. :P)


	10. Chapter 10

**Title**: Toys ''R' Us: Chapter Ten.

**Rating**: NC-17

**Summary**: Whatever shall Buffy and Faith do after being trapped inside a local Toys 'R' Us by a pair of mischievous wizards under Willow's watch?

**Disclaimer**: I do not own anything here, save for the storyline. All characters and the like are trademark properties of Joss Whedon, Fox, Mutant Enemy and it's affiliates. Barbie and Skipper are copyrighted to Matel. Toys 'R' Us is copyrighted to their fucking bizarre giraffe and whoever else. Please don't sue. Anything else mentioned, be them persons or objects, are copyrighted to their owners just the same and blah, blah, blah. No money is made from this, so don't sue. I'm just a poor girl. Really, I am.

**A/N**: I know that the last chapter was so far back, but I've been insanely busy with a baby and all that parentingness. Who knew babies were hard work? Now, I am back full blast and ready to update all my fictions. Hope you enjoy this chapter and thank you once again to the reviews I've had on previous chapters. Reading them made me really have the urge to get back into writing. :)

- - -

_Oh god, oh god!_ Buffy's mind screamed. Her body seemed to be at a stand still, or in this case, rubbing... er, something. All she could do was stare in silence? **Yes**.

Stare in shock? **Yes**.

Stare in lust? **Yes**!

But, no! Not here. Not like this.

Taking control of her hand, Buffy jabbed two fingers against Faith's denim and twisted. Causing the brunette to gasp in partial enjoyment and surprise. Surprise that Buffy would do something like that.

"Oh yeah, B. Right there." Faith moaned, letting her grip ease up on the other's hand, wanting to see if the blonde would continue her ministrations or...

Well, Faith got the or part of the deal.

Jerking back her arm, a low growl errupted from the older girl's chest. "I'm tired. I'm hungry. We **WERE** trapped in a toy store and now we've seem to have fell in..." In where? It was too cute to be Hell. Too weird to be Heaven. So where was this? Some whack jobs idea of a kid show?

Sucking in a sharp breath and fighting the urge to just ravish the object of her desires right then and there, Faith shrugged at Buffy. "Iono where we are B. All I know is I want out. Don't go thinkin' I wanna stay here. Cos I sure as fuck don't." And she didn't.

Rolling her head until her neck gave a popping sound, Faith adjusted her pants and started off ahead of her. Not having a particular destination in mind, but something in her made a note to go that way. And so she did. Without a word to the older Slayer. Knowing she'd follow.

Still trying to think on where it is they were, Buffy hadn't paid any attention to the retreating brunette. When she did, boy did she have a nice view. Faith's curves swayed with each graceful step and her legs seemed to gon on into forever.

And her feet seemed to go **PLOP** right on a decapitated head.

The eyes of the unknown dead creature exploding out of their sockets. Blood ozzing from it's ears and nostrils. Mouth twisted in distortion as it's head seemed to deflate.

Giving a violent shudder, Buffy hopscotched her hide over to Faith. Making damn sure not to step or brush against anything. Faith on the other hand couldn't give a shit.

"Where are you going?" Emerald orbs momentarily peered up at Faith in question. Quickly darting back to the ground in safety.

"That way." A finger pointed in the direction of ahead.

"I can **SEE** that. I meant, do you know where you're going?" Yup, Buffy was clearly having a blonde moment.

Briefly pausing in her steps, Faith gave a sideways glanced down at the other girl and rose both brows. Head shaking. "Yea, cos I've been here so many times before." Sarcasm laced every word, "No. I jus' figured it was better than standin' there tryin' t'decide where we were."

Catching the pout that caused Buffy's lips to purse up, Faith pushed all thoughts of nibbling the lower lip aside and sighed, softening her tone, "Look. We'll get outta here. We came from back there, so I'm thinkin' ahead is good. Where there's a way in, there's a way out. So don't go pouting."

"I was **NOT** pouting!" Buffy objected. Not ignoring the fact that Faith was playing leader now. As much as she wanted to play lead, and knew it was her role. It felt nice to have a break once in a while.

"Yes you were." Faith defended, still marching ahead.

"No!" Where as Buffy raised her voice...

"Yes." Faith didn't.

"I was not pouting. Does this look like pouting?" Buffy asked, rushing to stand ahead of Faith.

Pausing to study the other's expression, Faith pretended as if she was trying for an answer. "No." She responded in submission.

"Aha! See I..." Buffy was cutoff midsentence.

"Not now. You were before." Yup, Faith popped the bubble heads bubble. "Now can we mature and keep goin', cos seriously. I'm starved, too. Plus there's a score I gotta settle between two brats." A glint of malice flashed in hazel orbs.

"You're joking, right?" Something told her that Faith intended on carrying out whatever plans she had for the two boys. Although instinct also told her that it wasn't going to be violent. Unless you counted pissing your pants violent.

"Hell no!" Faith was going to share every detail of the plot with the blonde. But they were intercepted by a band of small toy soldiers carrying an array of weapons.

Some wielding knives.

Others guns.

And the rest were carrying rocket launchers.

All in itsy bitsy form.

"Stop right there!" The commander boomed from way on the ground a good five feet low.

"What in the name..." While Faith questioned what was going on, looking down in confusion...

Buffy was busy bending down to be somewhat eye level with some of the soldiers.

"You are in trespassing into private sections. You are not authorized to be here! Turn around at once and we'll allow you to live!" The nasty little guy ordered in bark.

"Your brains must be really tiny. Cos if you haven't noticed, we're like a..." She was trying to do the math in her head, "...hundred times bigger than yo---" Faith trailed off when she heard her sister Slayer yelp in pain.

"OW!" Buffy squeaked, pulling her injured finger to her mouth to suck at the tip. "You little Hitler!" The blonde snapped, "You purposely jabbed me. I wasn't even doing anything!"

"You okay, B? Wha' the little punk do to you?" Ignoring the instructions from the commander, Faith moved over to Buffy and eyed the injured finger. "It ain't tha' bad. You'll live." A devious grin slowly spread from one ear to the other, "But I'm kinda thinkin' these guys aren't." Standing back up agin, Faith lifted a leg and with Slayer fast reflexes, stomped on down. Pressing and then digging the heel of her boot into the ground. A pack of little soldiers buried under the giant leather soled footing.

"ATTACK!" The commander nearly sputtered out, frantic to get the situation under control.

Tiny bullets flied, slapping against Slayer skin all over. Screams of pain echoed around the battle zone as Faith went for the commander, lifting him up while still happily smushing green soldiers under her feet.

"Let me go you giant bitch!" The commander protested, his arms held at his sides with Faith's hand firmly wrapped around his midsection.

"Really now. Ya supposed to be childrens toys. Yet ya got such a dirty mouth on you. Tsk. Tsk. Do ya kiss ya mom with tha' mouth?" Faith was taunting a toy soldier. And all Buffy could do was let her.

Hey! The Nazi deserved it! They started it.

Down below, swarming both Slayer's feet, were more men. Grabbing robe and circling the pair of girls. Other soldiers still shooting their weapons at the giants.

Kicking away the robes, Buffy used the twitch of her pointer and thumb fingers to flick away the wannabe cowboys attempting to hogtie them up.

"I always wanted to see if I could really pop someone's head off. Guess I got my wish." Squeezing the commanders midsection light at first, Faith's grip gradually increased. The commander strruggling to free himself as the pain worsened. Yes, it was morbid, but they were being attacked by real life toys. You try to distinguish what was wrong and what was right.

It didn't take long before there was a resounding POP to be heard. The cries of defeat were fading into the distance as the other footed soldiers retreated. Standing to dust herself off, Buffy pivoted to face Faith. And the sight she saw was the younger woman's face smeered in blood. Her hand still clutching the lower half of the commander. His head? Well, that was what was splattered all across Faith's face.

After a brief pause, the silence was broken.

"You have some serious set of issues." Was all Buffy could muster up at the moment.

A/N: I'll have more up tomorrow. Tell me if you either liked this story or hated it. :)


	11. Chapter 11

Title: Toys ''R' Us: Chapter Eleven.

Rating: NC-17

Summary: Whatever shall Buffy and Faith do after being trapped inside a local Toys 'R' Us by a pair of mischievous wizards under Willow's watch?

Disclaimer: I do not own anything here, save for the storyline. All characters and the like are trademark properties of Joss Whedon, Fox, Mutant Enemy and it's affiliates. Barbie and Skipper are copyrighted to Matel. Toys 'R' Us is copyrighted to their fucking bizarre giraffe and whoever else. Please don't sue. Anything else mentioned, be them persons or objects, are copyrighted to their owners just the same and blah, blah, blah. No money is made from this, so don't sue. I'm just a poor girl. Really, I am.

- - -

"Me?" Faith was astounded, "**_I_** have issues?" She snorted, "Chea, comin' from you, tha's a kick in the head." Dropping the now decapitated soldier from her grip, Faith ran the palm of her hand down her shirt. "Wonder how long it takes for toy blood t'get outta laundry." She mused.

"I don't have issues." Buffy disputed, looking offended that she could be considered someone with any issues.

Sure, her first love tried to kill her.

Sure she died a few times.

Sure the last time she died her bestie brought her back.

Sure her sister's some kind of key.

Sure... crap.

She did have issues!

With Buffy clearly lost in thought while the ringing insisted, Faith snapped loudly.

"B!" The brunette stalked over to poke the blonde in the middle of her forehead.

"Huh? What?" Dazed and confused, Buffy turned to look at Faith, who in turn was pointing to the other Slayer's pocket.

"Ya hear that ringin?" Faith brought to attention.

Silence filled the void of nothingness. That is until...

**RING!**

"I think I..." The owner of the ring whispered.

**RING! **

"Omigod!" Buffy grinned, "My cell!" She remembered.

"NOW she remembers she has a cell." As Buffy reached for the device, Faith let Slayer reflexes take control and snatched the phone out of the petite girl's hand once it was freed.

Ignoring the protest from the ditzy blonde, Faith listened to the sound of Xander on the other line.

"Buffster, it's me, Xander. Look, I know you're with Faith and doing the whole bon----" If she allowed Xander to go on, she'd be listening to him for another fifteen minutes.

"Shut-up and listen, Xan." Faith instructed harshly, "B and I were out helpin' Red with two brats. Two brats tha' decided it be fuckin' hilarious..." She just about spat, "to lock us in a toy store. Only problem is, we fell into a pile of plushies and got sucked into some kinda other dimension." Laughter errupted from the other end. "I'm fuckin' serious and you'll be in for a world of bandages and ice if ya don't get some help."

Coughing to clear his throat, Xander nodded at the brunette, realizing a moment later she couldn't see him. "Right. So, toy store. You have an exact location or do I just configure the system and put a trace on the cell?" He loved saying that and in all actuality, he could do that. He had the help of a computer whiz in the programming department but the building of the casing was all Zeppo strength and skill.

"I want you to trace us! Not the cell!" Faith exploded before she thought.

Sniggering at the taller Slayer, Buffy knew that Faith sometimes was more than a few fries short of a Happy Meal.

"Oh fuck, yeah." Even more aggitated at the situation now, Faith went on, "Trace the cell and find us. Cos god only knows how many toy stores there are." Before the two hung up, the younger Slayer added, "And make it quick. We ain't exactly in Munchkinland."

Closing the cell and putting it in her pocket, Faith glared down at Buffy, "You had a phone and din't think about callin' anyone?!" This really was the moment of the century.

"Zip it, Faith." Buffy grumbled, sinking onto the ground with her arms folded over her chest.

"Guess we just sit and wait it out." Faith aired.

A pause.

"Rock, paper, scissors?" The brunette beamed, holding her hand out for Buffy to play with.

A/N: Semi-short chapter. But, I figured it was time outside sources knew of their dilemma. Xander and Andrew to the rescue! Read and review, PLEASE:)


	12. Chapter 12

Title: Toys ''R' Us: Chapter Eleven.

Rating: NC-17

Summary: Whatever shall Buffy and Faith do after being trapped inside a local Toys 'R' Us by a pair of mischievous wizards under Willow's watch?

Disclaimer: I do not own anything here, save for the storyline. All characters and the like are trademark properties of Joss Whedon, Fox, Mutant Enemy and it's affiliates. Barbie and Skipper are copyrighted to Mattel. Toys 'R' Us is copyrighted to their fucking bizarre giraffe and whoever else. Please don't sue. Anything else mentioned, be them persons or objects, are copyrighted to their owners just the same and blah, blah, blah. No money is made from this, so don't sue. I'm just a poor girl. Really, I am.

A/N: This chapter will likely be Xander and crew doing the research thing. Maybe a little Faith and Buffy at the end.

P.S.: I am soooooooooooooo sorry for lack of updating. I swear to make amends! Thank you to all my faithful reviewers and readers!

- - -

The sound of eyelids blinking was all that could be heard.

No other sound echoed around the group of nine.

Each person looked from one another. Then back the same.

Not a single soul was left out of receiving the same perplexed stare and slow blink as the others did.

Finally, "A... toy... store..." Someone whispered from the back of the room.

The question answered with a simple, "Mhmm." From their commander in chief, who stood against the door frame with his glasses in hand. Idly rubbing the smudges that didn't exist out.

"And two kids, I'm sorry, wizards, managed to get them locked in there?" One of the Slayers added in questioning. Sure, they heard the details twice over, but this was just weird. Even for them.

"Pretty much." Xander answered with his tongue hanging between his lips, eyes focused on the cell in his palm. Still busy with trying to get ahold of Willow through text messaging.

Looking from Xander to Giles, the taller of the Slayers, with orbs of dark drown stared intently on their elders, "I'm sorry, but how does standing around here help matters when both of our leaders are in potential danger?" Came her bark.

"Whoa! b I Your /b /i leaders. Faith and Buffy do not lead me." Xander interjected with as much dignity as he could muster up. And that was little. Since all the other girls bursted into peels of laughter.

"You'd let either of them lead you around." Choked one of the girls.

"By a leash if it made them happy." Another added with snigger's of laughter more.

"A pink one!" Another set of laughter. "With rhinestones!"

"And bows in his hair!" A redhead Slayer remarked.

"And a name like Puffincakes!" Added another.

"Not Puffincakes. Bitch!" A blonde corrected.

Okay, that was it! "Giles!" Xander gulped in helplessness, unable to find a way out of this one.

With an audible click of his tongue, Giles stood tall and walked into the center of the room. "Girls, stop. This isn't the time. We do need to find Buffy and Faith before anything happens to them, but as you can tell..." Turning to Xander and his cell phone, "Xander is trying to work on finding Willow, first. It seems the locater isn't able to find Buffy's cell phone through the..." Dare he explain it in his own way or just Layman's terms? "Basically, the tracking device Xander has established cannot penetrate through the magic surrounding where ever it Buffy and Faith are." That seemed simple enough. The girls looked as if they understood it. Of course there'd be one girl...

"Then how did Xander manage to call Buffy?" One girl asked, hand raised as if in school and taking a chance for a turn in the conversation.

Giles mentally slapped himself.

Xander simply grinned. G-man was alone on this one.

"Well, you see..." The Watcher started. After a few minutes of contemplating his own reasons as to why Xander had been able to contact Buffy, he heard Xander on the phone.

"Yup, it'll be a bit. Huh? No. Maybe?" Clearly he was having a conversation with someone, "I'm waiting for Willow to call. I can't get the locater to find you guys through the Wizard of Toys R Us magic storm cloud." Xander explained to the blonde on the other end of the line. "I tried to. Not exactly but... wait, what? Hold up, I'll call you back. It's Willz on the other...er okay, bye?" Shrugging he pulled the phone from his ear and pressed the swap call button. Returning it to his ear, he ignored Giles' look of needing to know what was said, "Hey, Willz. Yup, tried calling you. Did you... oh, you did. Cool beans. Nope. Just have a slight case of potential crisis on our hands. Seems those two Siths you caught trapped Buffster and Faith in a toy store. Nope. They got sucked into some toy like dimension. I need you to come here and maybe give the machine a boost of magic help. Ten? Alright, see ya then." Snapping the phone shut, he turned to Giles. "Willow will be here in ten minutes and I think Buffy might've pulled Faith's teeth from her mouth, or knocked them down her throat." The Zeppo had no qualms about that.

"So we wait?" One of the girls asked curiously.

"When do we ever wait?" Xander beamed, shuffling to get back to the locater and configure some information Buffy had accidentally, but gratefully given him in the brief call.

-TBC!


	13. Chapter 13

Title: Toys ''R' Us: Chapter Thirteen.

Rating: NC-17

Summary: Whatever shall Buffy and Faith do after being trapped inside a local Toys 'R' Us by a pair of mischievous wizards under Willow's watch?

Disclaimer: I do not own anything here, save for the storyline. All characters and the like are trademark properties of Joss Whedon, Fox, Mutant Enemy and it's affiliates. Toys 'R' Us is copyrighted to their fucking bizarre giraffe and whoever else. Please don't sue. Anything else mentioned, be them persons or objects, are copyrighted to their owners just the same and blah, blah, blah. No money is made from this, so don't sue. I'm just a poor girl who can't even afford paper, so I'm subjected to the net! Really, I am.

- - -

"So, lemme get this straight..." Faith started, "Xander can fuckin' call us? But he can't track us?" A veil of confusion fell over her annoyed features.

"That's what he said. I'm just repeating what he told me." Buffy defended, "I wasn't about to go into it with him. Especially on the note that I have no idea how he even manages to make something like it." Crinkling up her nose, the wafted stench of decaying corpses flooded all of her senses.

Jumping to her own defense this time at seeing the blonde's expression, the brunette folded her arms over her chest. "I didn't do it." Faith proclaimed rather defensively before she picked up the scent herself.

Both girls simultaneously lurching from the other to vomit. The stench nothing like either of them had smelt before. With the smell slowly passing their vicinity, the two Slayers groaned, Faith still feeling the need to hurl once more. To her liking she didn't do so.

"Tha' definitely wasn't me." Faith coughed as she wiped the corners of her mouth with the hem of her shirt in disgust. "The fuck was tha'?" She questioned to her older counterpart.

"I have no idea. But something tells me, we're going to find out." How she knew was chalked up to mere intuition. Slayer abilities, or maybe simple human abilities when one knew danger was quickly approaching.

Glaring at Buffy, Faith added a finger, middle one to be exact, at the announcement. "Christ, B. Don't you ever realize tha' maybe keepin' quiet would be best?" Keeping an eye open for the 'danger', Faith knew Buffy would likely jump down her throat for being bitchy.

"What's your problem?" Now she was pissed, and still feeling like she was gonna puke. The stench had somehow managed to settle on her tongue. How that was even possible went beyond her understanding.

"You are!" Faith snapped. Her back still turned to Buffy, "Every time we manage to go out, you somehow screw us over royally. I thought I had bad luck, but 'fraid I pale in comparison to you B." Pivoting on booted heels, the doe eyed Slayer stared down at Buffy in contempt. "Bad luck follows you like a hawk. Tha' or you're really fuckin' bad at makin' the right choices. Which is probably the case. I mean look at your choice in men." Came the added jibe.

"I..." Buffy snorted, "have bad taste in men? Look who's talking queen of skanktonia. Your taste in men is so bad, you're blind, deaf, dumb and numb to the way to pick them." Buffy spat, wondering to herself if that made any sense.

Clearly it must have had on some level since Faith now stalked over, closing the distance with a burning stare.

"At least none of the men, I ever picked tried to kill me, left me or rape me." That was a low blow and after it came out, Faith felt a little guilty for saying it.

Just a little.

Not enough to apologize.

She could take mention of Angel, no, Angelus, trying to kill her. She could take being reminded of Riley and how well she screwed up that relationship, and how well Faith did the literal screwing of it. But Spike and... what he had tried, that was the straw that broke the camels back. Fury filled emerald hues that were once flickering with bits of frustration and anger. Gritting her teeth together, Buffy clenched her balled up fists to her side and took in a deep breath through gritted and grinding teeth. "You know what, go to hell. Or better yet..." Buffy at once corrected, "Stay here. I don't need this shit from you. Say it's my fault we managed to end up here. I don't give a shit. Find your own way out alone, Faith." Doing the best thing she knew how to do, which was not kill Faith, Buffy marched off. This really was the only way to deal with Faith. If she stayed and let the fist punch roll, fly... whatever, it meant Faith won. Not that she'd win in the physical fight. It just meant Faith managed to yet again crack her to violence.

"G'head. See if I give two flyin' fucks, B." Standing her ground, Faith watched Buffy head off. "Good riddance." She grumbled to herself as folded arms across her chest tightened and her brain finally registered this wasn't a good idea to just stand around.

Buffy had the cell!

"B, wait up!" And like her ass was on fire, Faith sprinted after a still retreating figure of Buffy. Finally catching up to the blonde and walking at her side. "Look, I opened my mouth when I shouldn't have. I'm sorry." And she was. Not because Buffy held the only means of exit on her, but because Faith wasn't a heartless bitch as some still thought. .Buffy one of the first to see and believe it.

Hearing the sincerity in her tone, Buffy stopped walking to face Faith. "I swear you have a hole in your head sometimes. Like your common sense just leaks and then you remember you just let stuff run. So your apology is accepted." The pain still flooded her vision. Spike wasn't a bad man. He'd been a good man. At least as far as she was concerned. Everyone else had their opinions. He was the reason they were all here still. "Let's just stay calm and remember that we need to get out of here and fighting, not really helping the situation. Truce?"

"Truce." Faith agreed with a nod.

Suddenly the air around them thickened. The stench of death returned and in a puff of red smoke, they saw it.

Sorta.

"Crap. My fuckin' eyes. Who does this James Bond shit?" Faith fumed as she rubbed her eyes. The tears from the stinging puff of smoke pissing her off more and more as the seconds dragged on.

"Why would you ask me that? It's not as if I know." Buffy snapped, squinting her eyes shut tight, hoping none of the smoke would manage to get into her eyes like it had Faith.

"I was generalizing the question and to who I was directin' it at, Twinkie. So chill out." Half a second from clawing her eyes out as the burning and sting was getting to be that bad, Faith, and Buffy, were knocked backwards.

When their bodies came crashing out of balance, they found themselves on a soft pile. A squeak resounding in the air as Faith's foot pressed down on an object that was equally squishy.

"I'm for once in my life..." The blonde started, hands over her eyes, "...afraid to find out where I am." How many times could one person take being relocated to another dimension? It got old and scary after a while.

Faith didn't care. As soon as her eyes stopped paining, she opened her eyes to see just where it is they were. For once her mouth didn't spew any words out. Instead, her brain took over and she thought of an idea.

She'd wait to see how long it was before Buffy freaked out so much she had to open her eyes.

"Faith, where are we?" Buffy asked timidly.

No reply.

"Faith, not funny. Just tell me where we are." She was getting angry now.

Still no reply.

"Faith, you better tell me where we are!" She demanded with her chest puffing out.

It failed to work.

Dropping her hands from shielding her eyes, emerald orbs caught the sight of a hideous brown blob striking towards her face. With the bear landing a nose to lip lock with Buffy, Faith grinned.

"You were fuckin' scared, B. Wha', you thought we were..." Faith found herself cutoff as her partner jumped up in unrestrained excitement.

"Oh my god, Faith! We're home. We actually got back!" A high pitched squeal erupted from Buffy while smiling lips did the unimaginable.

They locked in a swift, but still very noticeable kiss to the brunette's.

Before either girl could react... Xander did, "If I ask you to stay like that, can I run back home and get my video camera?" His expression was that of a man winning the lotto... while clutching a battle axe in one hand, the other a pink tinted two-way radio.

-TBC


	14. Chapter 14

Title: Toys ''R' Us: Chapter Fourteen.

Rating: NC-17

Summary: Whatever shall Buffy and Faith do after being trapped inside a local Toys 'R' Us by a pair of mischievous wizards under Willow's watch?

Disclaimer: I do not own anything here, save for the storyline. All characters and the like are trademark properties of Joss Whedon, Fox, Mutant Enemy and it's affiliates. Toys 'R' Us is copyrighted to their fucking bizarre giraffe and whoever else. Please don't sue. Anything else mentioned, be them persons or objects, are copyrighted to their owners just the same and blah, blah, blah. No money is made from this, so don't sue. I'm just a poor girl who can't even afford paper, so I'm subjected to the net! Really, I am.

- - -

The silence in the SUV was suffocating the Watcher in a thick cloud. How could there be so much silence from three young adults? Two of which having spent the last few hours trapped in another dimension. Looking back into the rearview mirror one more time, Giles simply shook his head and returned his focus back on the road ahead. The night seeming to welcome them in the same tension as the inside of the car did.

Xander was still busy pulling strands and clumps of stuffing from his mouth. Already a ball of white fuzz at his side. Who knew such small toys could hold so much fluff? "Was it really necessary to shove my mouth..." Before the one eyed Build-A-Xander could finish his sentence, the two Slayers interjected.

"YES!" They snapped, one on each side of him.

"Okay. I was just saying. It's not like I was going to..." Again he was cutoff.

"Xander, if you don't shut it, I swear to god, I'm gonna tie you up by your tongue to the back of the hitch and drag you at top speed." Faith promised, now staring at him in challenge to her words. If Xander so much as opened his mouth to breath, she was going to make him regret it.

Wait... why was she mad? It's not like she kissed Buffy. Oh, right. She knew why she was mad. She was rejected.

Leaning forward in her seat, the belt not restricting her angle since it wasn't buckled in, the brunette just waited for Buffy to snap at being watched.

And that didn't take longer then a good five minutes before the blonde unraveled.

"WHAT?!" Buffy jumped.

As did the Watcher turned taxi driver.

"Y'know what." Faith reminded snidely.

"If you say anything in reference to earlier, I'll make you pay." Seething in her seat, Buffy caught Giles' confused stare from the mirror and sank in the seat, turning her attention to the window.

Another lingering amount of silence before there was more hostility.

"I'd ask why you're all in such a bad mood, but I'm afraid of getting my head bitten off." Giles remarked with a crooked smile.

"Or kissed." Faith jabbed.

"Pardon?" Both of Giles' brows shot up in question.

"Y'heard me G-man..." Faith was going to delight in the blonde's embarrassment.

"Faith. Shut. Up. Right. NOW!" Buffy was curling and uncurling her fingers into a fist. Her body tensing in preparation for an attack, even in the small confines of the vehicle.

Xander spat the rest of the stuffing out and looked towards the empty passenger seat besides Giles as if it was his saving grace. Which it was. Undoing his own belt, the taller of the four climbed his way upfront, snapping his buckle in place as fast as he could. "Best bet is to hit the gas and pray we make it home without blowing up." Was all he told the Watcher.

Knowing Xander wasn't one to exaggerate, least when it came to the two Slayers, majority of the time... Giles added a little more gas to the pedal. "Now's not the time to fight girls..." He scolded, "And whatever it is that's happened, can be rectified." He established. Earning him a full out roar of laughter from the doe eyed Slayer.

"Yea, maybe it can. If B decides to kiss and make up." She fired away.

"That's it!" Buffy announced, undoing her belt and maneuvering her body, leaped the next seat over and tangled the strap around the brunettes head, pinning her to the seating.

"She's g'na kiss and make up with me. Oh, with bondage!" Faith was too busy laughing to take the blonde seriously. How could she? This was awesome!

"GIRLS!" Giles bellowed, looking panicked in the rear view mirror once again, his hands tightening on the wheel before one let go and blindly swatted at each girl in attempt to pry them apart.. Oh good lord, was that an ass he slapped? Retracting his arm and placing it to the shift, Giles pulled the SUV off to the side of the road as Xander grinned and watched the two Slayers wrestle. Both bodies tumbling to the floor of the back seating when the car aburptly pulled into park.

"And with an audience, B? Such a voyeur!" She was managing to speak through bouts of laughter.

"I said shut it!" Buffy was trying to tighten the cord around the brunette's neck, but it just seemed her hands wouldn't coordinate with her mind.

Slamming his door open, Giles rushed to the back and pulled Buffy's side door open and all but threw himself in, hands around Buffy's arms. "Xander! Stop watching and help me!" He ordered, tugging on Buffy as he spoke, "Let go of her Buffy. This is uncalled for. Whatever the case, you can talk it out like a rational adult!" Only Faith could get Buffy this out of character.

Xander was now on the opposite side, snagging Faith under the arms and tugging her away from Buffy. As if on cue, both men managed to get the girls out. All four flying backwards onto the grass and pavement.

Not letting Buffy go, Giles stood up and held the smaller Slayer in place. "Now, before we get into the car, you are going to cool off." He was truly getting too old for this. He was a Watcher for god's sake! Not a referee.

"Iono G-man... I'm kinda hot right now. B got to me..." Faith was just not quitting and Xander groaned, pushing her behind him out of Buffy's way.

"Really not a good idea to piss Buff off, Faith. You really should remember that." He whispered.

The whispering really not helpful since Slayer hearing, both Slayer hearings, caught his recommendation.

"I am so beyond pissed right now, Xand. I am NOT riding with Faith back home." Buffy shrugged Giles off in a 'I'm okay' shake. Her hands dusting off the front of her shirt. All the while her words were spoken through clenched teeth.

Not able to resist one more jibe at Buffy, Faith added, "Rather ride me, huh?"

And that was all it took for Buffy to let out a warning growl before she once again tore after Faith. Both Slayers seemingly playing tag as they raced around the vehicle, one after the other. The two men simply standing and watching, thinking that maybe this would wear the girls out enough for a safe drive home.

-TBC


End file.
